Remembering...

The day I found out I was pregnant the first time my mom bought the baby a Noah's Ark book. She wrote the date on the back: July 21, 1999 and signed "Love Grandma." Our baby was due in March, but I miscarried about the 10th week. The little book from Grandma was torn apart by the boys quite some time ago and before I throw it away I decided to write down the date I found out I was pregnant. Also, I recently "blogged" the following on our Myspace:

Grieving --by Lori

We all heal in different ways. What is comforting to some may not be to others. Once, when my sister was grieving, I told her that God must believe her to be strong in order to handle the circumstances that she was dealing with. She told me, "That is not comforting!" It is always difficult to know what to say when someone else is hurting. At times I feel it is unfair for my life to continue as normal when someone else’s is turned upside down.

Today I received a call from a friend of my husband. He shared with me some heartbreaking news. After the call ended, I explained to my boys what had happened and prayed. But then, I finished cleaning the bathrooms. It seemed odd to me to be cleaning when a friend was hurting so badly.

Today’s events reminded me of a time when I was deeply hurting and what I found most comforting. I appreciated the flowers we received; it was a reminder that people cared. One girl, who happened to be mentally challenged, simply said, "I’m sorry about ----." That touched me; a simple "I’m sorry" that acknowledged my pain without any words of advice, encouragement or clichés.

When reading the scriptures, I found a passage that provided huge comfort. I have no idea if it would resonate with others like it did with me. John 11 tells of Lazarus being sick. Mary & Martha, his sisters, sent Jesus a message, "Lord, your dear friend is very sick." Jesus didn’t leave immediately to help His friend. He waited until Lazarus was dead. He knew that this sickness was for the purpose of glorifying God and Himself through the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead. However, even though He was angry that His followers didn’t have more faith & even though He knew that Lazarus would live again, he still cried. The only reason I can think of for His tears is because it hurt Him to see others hurting. He knew there would be a happy ending, but the pain He saw Mary, Martha and others experiencing moved Him.

It was a huge comfort to me to picture a more emotional Jesus; a God who not only commands us to weep with those who weep, but a God that actually does it. For me, knowing that the Creator of the universe was crying WITH ME….that was a powerful. (4/3/08)